Under your spell
by x-Athenea-x
Summary: Songfic! "Under your spell" from the Buffy musical episode "Once more with feeling". A Ianto jones story.


_I lived my life in shadow  
Never the sun on my face  
It didn't seem so sad, though  
I figured that was my place  
Now I'm bathed in light  
Something just isn't right  
_

Ever since his childhood, Ianto had been alone. He had lost his mother at the early age of five after a long and painful struggle with cancer. He didn't remember much about her but occasionally he would smell an odor that would remind him of her. A soft vanilla with a hint of peach. His father had loved him dearly. Every day Ianto was told that he was loved. But being a single parent, he did not have much time to spend with his only child. So Ianto Jones spent his formative years either playing in his aunt's garden or at the after-school care. All the while, he longed to play catch with his father. At 16 he had decided that solitude wasn't his enemy but his friend. He had friends, but none of them understood. None of them understood how it felt being him. In the silence of the night he could hear his thoughts. And in the end that is all we have.Until Lisa came along, he had believed this was true. But she, she had shown him the wonders of love, partnership and friendship.

_I'm under your spell  
How else could it be  
Anyone would notice me?  
It's magic, I can tell  
How you set me free  
Brought me out so easily  
_

Her death became his demise. He had fought so hard to keep her alive and to try save her. But it wasn't meant to be. He fell into a state of slumber. For months he was barely alive, more existing than living. Bearing a cross so heavy, it was breaking him. Not only her death but also his betrayal. In his attempt to save the one he loved, he had put in danger his new family, Torchwood. He could not bare the hurting looks of his colleagues, the betrayal he saw in his boss' eyes, the wrath he saw within each and everyone of them. Neither could he bare their kindness, friendship and concern. He wasn't worth it. He hadn't paid enough penance. All the looks of sorrow and pity were cutting deeply into his soul. And every day his heart broke. And every day the cuts on his heart were slit open little by little just because he was alive, breathing in air and she was not. Every day he felt like drowning every time he looked at himself in the mirror. In the wonderful world of Torchwood, he felt his essence slipping away.But he had made it better. Jack. Jack didn't treat him with kindness and with love, but neither did he pity him. He was just there.

_I saw a world enchanted  
Spirits and charms in the air  
I always took for granted  
I was the only one there  
But your power shone  
Brighter than any I've known  
_

Slowly but steadily his heart began to mend. Not forgetting about Lisa or what he had done, but coming to terms with it. Accepting what had happened and what he had done. And in the course of time, he didn't cringe every time he looked into the mirror. He didn't feel the need to take the razorblade and cut little lines on his arms, to release the burning emotional pain. He didn't have the need to feel the steel barrel of the gun beside his temples. He began looking forward, to the future. Not the very far future, but just tomorrow. Waiting around for Jack to call him for some coffee. Or dim-sum and maybe then some. He became a bright light in his life. When he was around, it was all better. Like he was a torch scaring away the shadows. Like the sun.

_I'm under your spell  
Nothing I can do  
You just took my soul with you  
You worked your charm so well  
Finally, I knew  
Everything I dreamed was true_

Time after time, Jack had been there. Just for a talk, just for a cuddle. He gave him meaning again. Confidence and self-worth. Jack gave him a bit of himself back.

_You made me believe  
The moon to the tide  
I can feel you inside  
_

Not since Lisa had there been someone who had given him a family again. Maybe not in the traditional way, but all that mattered was that he felt loved. Again. And when the going got tough, he knew that there was one person who would help him through the tides. And Ianto knew that he would never let go. Because he realized that he was given a second chance to built dreams with a soul mate.

_I'm under your spell  
Surging like the sea  
Wanting you so helplessly  
I break with every swell  
Lost in ecstasy  
Spread beneath my willow tree_


End file.
